Am i a blogger? I think the answer to that is a yes/no/yes. I don't want people do really pay attention to me, i feel silly if i post photos that i've obviously spent time taking of myself, and i really, really don't want to be judged for an internet personality. Howeeverrrrr, I like to ramble and i like to talk about things that are irrelevant to almost ANYONE but myself and i always appreciate if people can appreciate those things.

I want to document my experiences without bias and i don't particularly want people i know judging my decisions or my internet grammar & punctuation. Keep a journal you say? WELL! WELLLLLLLL that has proven to be a baad fucking idea for me. It has caused more than 7 rather HUGE problems in my lifetime of keeping a journal! Simply because people are god damn nosey and if you put it out there written it will probably end up read.

I have a trip planned for March 4th-9th! To Boston I GO!!! I actually miscalculated my planning in fundage when i booked it, but i'll work it out i think. Couchsurfing and frienship will save me some money if i can make that happen!

all i want to do is make dresses, play the theremin, have an excellent garden, and a dog who knows at LEAST ten commands.

what the heck is stopping me.

Wahwah wednesday.

in Japan they've been wearing leg warmers with everything since I was at least 11 years old. AT LEAST.

i'm really glad i got to be there for such important developmental stages. Moving here to states really made me lame it up quite a bit, i used to be ridiculous with mixing patterns and unless it was loud, obnoxious, perfectly fitting, and one of a kind(!) i wouldn't wear it. When i got here people made fun of all my four inch wedge platform heels(and i had two pair that were six inch chunk platformsAH), shirts that said things like "John Valby gives great handjobs"(comedian that is dirty not funny), my fantastic fanny packs, all my macramé(ihadsomuchmacrame) EVERYthing. i do admit i was hanging out with a difficult to deal with west valley bro type of crowd, i feel stupid that I forced myself to devolve into such a boring jerk. I don't have the confidence i used to nor can i wear what i really WANT to wear because now i've just lost the confidence i need and gained some weight i didn't. Difference in size means difference in esteem. I haven't yet learned to deal with these larger thighs and unrelenting hips nor accept that they are my only choice in this life. ANYWAY. Rant.

SO! Legwarmer--i never really dug em when i was young, i never found a way to make them work with what i was wearing because as I do like things Busy! busy+legwarmers is a sexy Asian thing that I think my american brain can not comprehend.

Living with another person is .HARD.

everything started out like this wondrous fairytale. i would HURT if he was away for too long, i was late for work every day because it was like those cute movies where its just impossible to leave without 15 more goodbye kisses or just one quickie before it was too, too late.. this lasted the better part of a year and by the time it was over we were already living together full time. I feel like if we were to do it all over again i would have FORCED him to get a job and we wouldn't have lived together right off, maybe the honeymoon would have lasted longer and these days the fighting over whose doing what and when and "are we going out together?" or "can't you just go by yourself"/can i just go by myself" wouldn't be such an issue. Alas, it is what it is and it is an issue. (most of it is my problem and most of it is his problem--at least we are equal)

I have some serious issues when it comes to my space. I'm weird about it, i expect that others are as good at people reading as I am and will understand when to just shut up and leave me alone for a while without me actually having to say "SHUTUPPLEASELEAVEMEALONE"

i'm sad from being in love without the love. anytime i see someone kiss or cuddle up to their partner i think of him and how much we used to need to touch. now its not that there isn't affection, there is plenty, there is just also an equal amount of bickering and bitter resentment(coming from both sides) that neither of us can seem to shake. I want my love back, i don't want a different one or a new one i want this one to be some new kind of whole again.

TenTenTen

TENTENTEN.

my first love

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Stella Princess <3

Session One.

Yes, Rykelle!!! THE LIIIINES ARE AMAZING.

Four Hours under the needle and not a single tear up or uncontrollable jerking. Session two will be next month, The Shading of The Leaves, there may be some tears. HA.