I really don't know what i'm supposed to do with myself, i'm TERRIBLE at being alone. I like to cuddle and I like the nightly shoulder rubs and I will miss being woken up with temple kisses on hungover mornings and on regular mornings. Separating from a person that you truly expected to be with for all of the lively, fun, and completely difficult time that is your early life(!) and then on, well it just fucking sucks. I'm not going to pretend that i'm in love with this new found "freedom" or that i'm happy to be rid of my relationship and its "problems"!! I loved the shit out this person and it sucks and I hate it. That and that i'm going to have to actually make some real changes, maybe actually start doing things that are constantly on my brain. <- that is the only exciting part--in order to avoid throwing myself into a total reclusive, depressed, self-pitying state of ME--i'll have to force myself to create again, to force myself to love me for the things I am capable of.
I will do this. I am destined for greatness, personal success and GREATNESS! I just need to remind myself that everyday or any time I feel like dying would be the only thing to stop all this feeling.
Things don't always work out as planned and this gives us opportunities to do things we never planned for. I know how you feel. I thought I'd be shattered and distressed forever, but I'm still alive and can now breathe freely and enjoy the things around me and can be productive and get things done and do new things and appreciate old things and hold hope for the fun things to come. I also love run-on sentences.
ReplyDeleteRun-on sentences are my favorite.
ReplyDeleteThank you for those words. I think as much as I let myself get wrapped up in my own bullshit i do an O.K. job at trying to look on the brighter side of things. This is a new talent i'm trying to perfect :)